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Velociraptor
Velociraptors are dinosaurs that have an appetite for roast beef, lettuce salads, chocolate milk, and human flesh. They live mainly in tall grass in the states of Florida, California, and New York, as well as on Isla Nublar off the coast of Costa Rica. Velociraptors are the third leading cause of death in persons aged 27-29. April 18th is Velociraptor Awareness Day, a holiday honoring those who lost their lives in raptor attacks as well as a chance to raise alertedness and awareness about the ever-growing danger of velociraptor assaults. If you or someone you know has seen or been attacked by a velociraptor, please notify the authorities in London. Hunting strategies Velociraptors have several hunting strategies. The most common attack pattern is shown in the image above. Velociraptors often test the stamina of their potential victims during periods of time in which their prey is studying for an upcoming exam. To put the prey's stamina and patience to the test, the raptor tends to throw bananas at the studying prey, often breaking the victim's concentration. This strategy is usually only initiated by lone velociraptors. Raptors prefer to hunt in packs, splitting your ribcage in half with their foot claws and spilling your guts and intestines everywhere, as shown in the 1993 ½ film, Mostly Cretaceous Park (A "Family" Picture! ;D). Raptors sometimes slap their prey repeatedly with fish until their prey gives up from annoyance. In most cases, these strategies are performed using salmon or mackerel, while more extreme instances involve the use of adult great white sharks. Velociraptors sometimes use the "Pokémon Effect" to their advantage. This strategy is described in the following section of this page. Prevention Velociraptors can be warded off by several different things: *Chuck Norris- The arch-nemesis of the velociraptor, he's your best bet *Shotgun- Useful, hunts raptors in the wild, must be trained before use; Boomsticks and SPAS-12s offer the best outcome (sometimes) *Small berries- Raptors hate small harmless fruits, blueberries work best *Tyrannosaurus Rex- Great strategy, be sure to have its attention focused on the raptor in question, not on the meal that you can provide of yourself Preventing attacks Velociraptor attacks can be prevented by taking certain precautions. Have all doors fitted with doorknobs, raptors are able to turn door handles to open new areas. Make sure doors are made of oak, steel, or iron, velociraptors will break through birch or spruce wood. Do not use pressure plates, these plates allow raptors easy access to rooms that you may be hiding in. Make sure that you keep the grass on your lawn lower than 1.5 metres in length, or you may experience the "Pokémon Effect". The Pokémon Effect is a strategy used by velociraptors in which they lurk in tall grass until their prey passes by. This strategy is depicted in the 1997 ⅓ film, The Lost World: Mostly Cretaceous Park. IN THE EVENT OF SPOTTING A VELOCIRAPTOR, try not to make any sudden movements. This, of course, will not change the fact that the raptor sees you, however, it may help you gain some confidence. In the event of being hunted, grab as many cans of beans as is possible. Throw said beans at the raptor. In the best case scenario, the velociraptor will eat the beans and as such allow you to make your attempt at escape. This outcome is rare, because the raptor will most likely become more angry. Hiding is a good choice, use a room with locked doorknobs and no windows. You may hoarde as many cans of beans as you wish. When in a kitchen, proceed immediately to the freezer room if available. This will help you avoid any suspenseful scenes in which you and your sibling are crawling and trying to not make any noise so as to escape the dinosaurs on the island that your grandpa so happily brought you to. Velociraptor Awareness Day Velociraptor Awareness Day is a holiday that takes place every April 18th according to the Matthewonian calendar. It was created to honor and remember those who were tragically killed in velociraptor attacks. The holiday was created twelve days after the death of Roberto Balloon, June 23rd, 1993 ½. It was officially recognized as a national holiday on April 18th, 1994 ⅛, due to Spring being Velociraptor Season when raptor attacks are at their highest probability and March—May being the three Velociraptor Awareness Months. For more information, visit the American Society for Velociraptor Attack Prevention. http://www.velociraptors.info/#.